Confession

Maybe I’m just weak - a weak, pathetic excuse for a Christian. That wouldn’t surprise me one bit, I know my limitations. I know how unworthy and flawed I am. If everyone else knew what I know about myself....

-_-

Well, you may find out something about me in this post. I pray you don't hate me for it.

Confession: The hardest part (for me) about this whole COVID-19 thing has been the lack of consistent church attendance.

It’s not the sermons - I have plenty of access to sermons. I know I can download them, watch on YouTube or whatever. I even have multiple CDs of preaching from Camp Meetings in the past.

It’s not Sunday School - believe me, as a Sunday School teacher, while part of me misses teaching, there’s the flesh that is rather enjoying not having to get a lesson together every week. (See why I say I’m a pathetic?)

It’s not the music - between the internet, radio, and the 200+ CDs I own, music is plentiful. I also am capable of playing both the guitar and dulcimer (not simultaneously) so I can participate in making music at home.

No, it’s not the “churchy” things you can upload and share via the internet.

It’s the fellowship, the community of Christians, that I need.

Yes, I am an introvert. I have, overall, LOVED the extra time at home.

But we need community.

I need community.

I need encouragement. I need accountability. I need to know that I’m not alone. I need to know someone cares. I need personal encounters that actually matter.

I don’t do small talk.

I don’t open up easily.

It takes a LONG time for me to confide in anyone.

When I spend time away from people, I close back up. I’ve tried not to, but I’ve not figured out how to be different. This is harmful, I know, but I don’t have the strength to change.

I also have trouble processing the evil in this world by myself. I see/hear news, but without conversation it’s easy to feel like it isn’t real. Without Christian conversation, it’s easy to get the wrong attitude about it.

And, maybe I’m strange, but if the conversations don’t happen face-to-face, in person, then they don’t feel quite genuine to me. Zoom, Skype, all these things are useful and helpful, but they also allow me to hide. In person conversations... well, I can still hide, but when people start to get to know me they begin to see through my barriers. It’s uncomfortable, but I also recognize it is needful.

I feel like I’ve been separated from my flock with no way to go back home.

Probably because I have.

I feel like I'm wandering, slogging through a miry bog.

Personally, this is why I see the church family, a community of Christians, as essential.

‘Cause I doubt I’m the only one.

Hebrews 10: 23-25

“23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)
24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”