Everyone home schools

Wait, what? Let me repeat that. 

Everyone

Home

Schools

Yes, even you who send your children to private or public school. You homeschool your children also. Just, differently than we who keep our children home. 

Deuteronomy 6:7-9

Let me back up a bit. 

We've finished seven weeks of homeschool. Since my oldest is just beginning, it's been a bit laid back. Ha, in fact, so laid back that I have to remind myself that we should "do school" at some point during the day. Through this time of trying to find what works for us, I have learned things. 

Starting off, we have finally settled into a genuine routine- that will shift some as weeks progress as we rejoin my littlest ones library group, etc..., but not too much. This routine has taken me time to figure out, because I want them to see me doing things I want them to learn to do. 

Every day we are home all day is the same. After the hustle of breakfast (yes, I cook breakfast daily for my family) and Daddy leaves for work, I sit down at the table with my Bible, notebook, and coffee. The girls either go to their room and play or color at the other end of the table. 

After I get done, we do some chores. Laundry, cleaning a room, whatever. I usually introduce/review some memory work while we do this. 

Next, we read. "We" usually being me reading to my children, but every once in a while I convince my older child to read something. I will read for... I don't know, until they lose interest or I lose feeling in my backside from sitting on the floor with them on my lap. We read stories, poems, etc. I like to read the Bible to them also, but don't do that every day (like I should).

Then, more play time.  As I prep for lunch, I like to have my school-age child sit and "do school". Math, writing/spelling, and the like. She is really good at writing her numbers and alphabet, so we are teaching her to spell her name, address, and the names of her family. Math is skip counting along with addition/subtraction from 0-19. We are working on phonics, but that requires me to be much more hands on. 

So, as I get lunch together, she knocks out one of the above mentioned subjects. 

Lunch, play, read again, nap. 

After nap, we have a snack and do more "school". I make dinner, Daddy comes home, and we never know what will happen next. 

So, why do I say that every person homeschool their child, then go off topic by telling you our schedule?

Because in figuring out a schedule, I remembered that my actions and the things I say are sometimes not the same. 

I am reminded that she learns from the way I behave, from the things I make a priority, from my actions and reactions. 

I think about the things I learned from my parents and their every day life. Things I didn't think about until after I got married, or after my first was born, or even until just this past year. Things they taught me by how they behaved. Even though they sent me to school to learn, life at home taught me about.... life. 

Back to Deuteronomy 6:7-9

"7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates."

My daily life, how I live, is teaching my children more than my words and planned lessons. 

Your daily life and actions teach your children so very much. 

See, I have her memorize Bible verses and stories and I explain them to her. Yet, if I don't also study, read, and memorize the Bible then she is learning that talking religiously is enough. I would be teaching her a falsehood by my actions. 

I also let her know I am learning with her. Some of what she learns I know, but I haven't been good at memorizing in the past and am working on changing that. 

Because I want her to learn that learning never has to stop. 

When we walk around our yard, and my little one reaches for my hand... I've learned to take it. Yes, I want her to grow and be able to take those hills on her own like her big sister, but I also want her to know that I am there to help her if she needs it. I want her to see it, her sister to see that I am there. 

• If my older one wants to hold my hand, I've learned to say yes to that as well. How much longer is she going to want to hold my hand? 

 Ah, the conundrum of parenting. Parenting done right is working yourself out of a job. 

Everyone teaches at home. If you send your child to school, you are teaching your child. Perhaps you are teaching them that what the teachers say is right - or that it isn't. You teach your child about authority, respect/disrespect, who to believe and trust. 

Honestly, if you send your child to public school, I pray God blesses you with figuring out the right balance of teaching Biblical principles, standing up for truth without being disrespectful, and all the other stuff you have to balance in allowing a secular system to teach your children facts. I don't see how you do it. 

But back to what I know you teach at home. 

You teach them how to believe in themselves. If you have low self esteem and show it, no matter what you say to your child they will learn from you. Trust me. 

You teach them how to make a family work (or how it doesn't work).

Relationships, faith, lifestyle, hobbies, work ethic, values.... these are taught at home. 

They are also taught in the public scene as well. 

Which is part of why I personally choose to homeschool. My child learns from my husband and I what values we believe to be most important. When they enter the public scene, they enter it with our guidance so they can learn how to properly handle the tough things they will face. 

Call me overprotective if you want. I don't believe that life has to be taught by the sink-or-swim method. It my come to that one day when my children are older, but they are young. 

I want to instill in their hearts and minds what is important. I want to back it up with how I live out my days. I want them to see me, imperfect but trying, and realize it is never to late to get things right. Better sooner than later, but never too late. 

Because everyone schools their children at home. I just also teach the intellectual "facts".

You are the parents. They learn from you, like it or not.  

Are you triggered?

Let's define the modern use of "trigger"

A topic, phrase or word that emotionally sets someone off. Could refer to anger, or reliving a traumatic experience. Sometimes this is logical, other times it seems like an attention grab

(Pulled off a google search)

First, I must say, most everyone has something they get "triggered" about. It's likely for a good reason too. 

If you have been through something traumatic, extremely stressful, and/or have emotional problems, you know what I'm talking about. 

• And don't go saying "My situations wasn't as bad as _____." because not as bad as doesn't mean not bad. 

See, what matters isn't that people are considerate enough to walk on eggshells around us and not break anything - it's that we realize we are already broken people, and that we learn how to go through life without falling apart at our weak areas. 

I've been broken by a few things, but honestly there is something that triggers me EVERY SINGLE TIME. It makes me mad, it hurts, I want to lash out at the "inconsideration" of the person and the explain why they need to not say stuff like that.... I want to curl into a ball and cry, screaming into my pillow. I've gotten anxiety attacks related to it. A day doesn't go by that thoughts about it doesn't drag me down. I'm surrounded by reminders, by possible triggers, and there is no escape.

........

How many people know what it is that bothers me so much?

• probably not a lot of people

How often do I react like I want to/feel like reacting? 

• very rarely, and usually it's the crying part sometime later when I am home alone (which doesn't happen often).

My success in not being to easily offended and broken is not due to my own amazing self control and emotional regulatory abilities. Far from it, as I have struggled with emotional problems for as long as I can remember. 

No, it isn't me. I have no self-help secret for you. 

I have God. Christ Jesus, His sweet Holy Spirit. 

When I feel that knee-jerk reaction to something said/posted online, I pray. I close my eyes right then and there, take a deep breath, and pray "Dear Lord, take this."

I can't say I instantly get over it completely, but I can say I feel a peace come over me to help me move on. 

Because, let's face it, we can't always be protected from the things that bother us.  People don't know, and if they do, they are imperfect and slip up sometimes. 

We need to extend grace to the "offender" instead of insisting they watch their every wording and activity to keep everyone feeling safe and comfortable. 

That is impossible. 

So when the "heartless" masses say something that hurts you, sets you back, etc, please think of this verse -

I Peter 5:7

Casting all your cares upon Him, for He care that for you. 

That is how we get through our troubles. 

Breathe a prayer for help. He answers every time. 

Community

When I say the word "community", people likely have different thoughts that pop into their minds. 

Classical Conversations parents probably think of their homeschool group, their CC Community.

Maybe you think about your neighborhood, or the small town you live in. 

Perhaps church pops into your head. 

The other possibilities are nearly endless. 

In Webster's 1828, it is defined as 

"A society of people, having common rights and privileges, or common interests, civil, political or ecclesiastical; or living under the same laws and regulations."

Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Hmmm, well, that gets down to the basics. Seems like most any example we think of fits the definition. 

But we are humans, and the word also invokes emotions along with whatever definition fits properly. 

A longing, a sense of and desire for BElonging. 

Perhaps even a bit of anxiety. 

The thing is, we all need some form of community that speaks to us - be it emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  We don't do well alone. Not even introverts (and I speak as an introvert). 

Galatians 6:2

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

We are also often compared to sheep in the Bible. Let me tell you, I raised sheep growing up. You keep a sheep alone, it will not last long. Sheep need other sheep as much as they need a shepherd. A shepherd cares for the sheep, but is not a sheep. 

So, the problem becomes finding the community that meets our need(s).  This is especially difficult for family units, because each member may have a different need from a community. 

My husband is an extrovert - he loves being around people, he gets rejuvenated, feels cared about, thrives around people. It could be a crowd or just one/two friends. He is in his comfort zone around other people. If he gets more than 5 hours with no one around, his demeanor and mood drastically chance. 

Me, I am awkward. In the traditional sense of the word, I am an introvert. Being around people is emotionally and physically draining. I rejuvenate when alone, and crave time alone. When thrown into a group of peopleI don't know, I am quiet and uncertain, nervous. 

However, I do well in groups also. I want to be included. I have no trouble stepping up into leadership roles when needed, I can speak I front of crowds, sing, meet new people... especially if it is needful to be so. I can sometimes deal with people convincingly enough that many think I am extroverted. 

My oldest- I think she is going to be like me. 

My youngest rarely meets a stranger and loves to be the center of attention. 

With our different needs, and our varying ages/schedules, how do we find a community that meets all our needs?

Honestly, I haven't got a clue. 

My husband, bless his heart, between his public job, work around the house, and church commitments, is communitied out. He is waiting for a break in the schedule. 

Which makes me want to remind you readers of the fact that we have liberty to say "no" sometimes. We don't have to do everything that is asked of us. 

• I think that is more of a problem for extroverts, parents of extroverts, and people who have the feeling they must please others. I am not that type of person, but I live with them. I also used to be one who thought saying no was off limits and rude, until I was miserable and learned the wonderful power of saying "I can't."

Back to the issue at hand. 

Hubby, the extrovert, is worn out from everything. 

Me, I'm feeling like I haven't found a community that's the right fit. Or, more accurately, like there is an awesome community around me and I just don't fit into it well. 

Church - mostly older people (my parents age or older). The ones that are closer to my age - within 10 years - are mostly at a different stage in life. Most have children in middle/high school and work full time jobs. There is one mom in a similar place to me, she has an older step-son, but she is a SahM of a two-year-old.  We get together regularly, play dates and conversation time. 

It's helpful, and reminds me of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

It is a great thing, though I wonder if that is truly meeting all of both our needs. 

Cause while I wouldn't trade it for anything, having one friend is companionship.  Companionship is different than community. 

Now, my church family is awesome in its own way, and they do their best to include everyone, so the problem seems to lie with me. 

Let's look at my homeschool community. It is great for my oldest child. She gets to be around other children her age, play, learn, and be in a generally Christ-centered environment. It isn't every day, and it isn't all day. It seems to be a perfect fit for her. 

Me, I feel as if I am an outsider. 

All I know about them is what I see once a week and what they post on Facebook. 

That's all they know about me. 

Yet they seem to know each other and be able to converse well. 

• Revisit my above statement about how awkward I am. I can step up into a tutoring role, but being able to casually talk to other moms...? It's difficult, and causes a bit of anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, please PLEASE don't misunderstand me. It's a blessing to have a group of likeminded Christian moms trying to homeschool their children and raise them in a Godly way as I am trying. I know they are a praying group, ones who love God. 

I am imperfect, and really really uncomfortable around people I don't know well. 

It makes joining a new community difficult. 

All me, I know. 

So... community. We all need it, but we all have different needs within the community and from the community. 

Makes it difficult because it is also easy for some to kinda... fall by the wayside. I've noticed it in different groups. Everyone is loving, caring, and trying to include everyone else, yet due to personalities, life circumstances, etc, people slip out of the center community and have trouble finding their way back in. 

This can cause many problems, and if it goes unnoticed, we as a community are failing to properly show Gods love. 

......

So I guess what I'm trying to say is:

1. Don't give up on a group of people as a possible community just because you have trouble "getting in" - either the first time or after you've slipped away for a bit. 
2. Don't be so wrapped up in the obvious that you overlook the quiet, the ones who had to just say "I can't" for a bit, the ones that are easy to overlook. 

We all need to remember that communities are imperfect people needing companionship from other imperfect people. 

God bless. 

1st Month – Success?

Ok, so, let me start off with saying, week 3 of our Classical Conversations (CC) curriculum has ended, meaning week 4/month 1 of my homeschooling journey is ending. Our CC community is on break next week, giving me time to prepare myself for the upcoming months.

1 Peter 5:7

Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

This sums up my first month so far.

There have been successes, there have been “fails”.

First of all, my tutoring of the group of boys in our CC Community is going well - I think. Not perfect, but I'm also a first year tutor dealing with 6 energetic boys that aren't mine.

    ~ Reminder for those of you who don't know, my every day life is spent with little girls. Boys are totally different, and these are older boys, average age of 8 years old. Wonderful children, and I have no complaints, but it's a big shift from what has been my daily dealings.

I love tutoring these boys though, even if I've not got it perfect and they aren't perfect little angels. No human is, and I don't expect them to be perfect. Good doesn't have to be perfect. I mess up too, like forgetting to do the Latin during Grammar instruction and having to revisit it after presentations...

The community has helped me in a different way than I originally thought. There's a lot more grace than when I taught public school. Also, at home, I've been caught up in the memory work with M'ija. She's good at it, and she enjoys it (especially the songs!). Then, I get in the community and am reminded about what it's all about. To know God and make Him known.

So I get home, and we read Bible stories, we memorize scripture (note: I explain what the scripture means so not only does she memorize a verse a week, but also knows what the verse is talking about).

I remind myself that if I make time for Bible study daily, I should make time to teach my daughter truth daily.

The classical set-up, it's great. It works sooooooo well for my family. I don't expect her to memorize everything. In fact, while I go over it all with her, really I spend a bit more time on a few subjects she seems interested in and we kinda just let the rest go. She's still young, so I have no worries that she won't know the information when she needs it.

The freedom of homeschooling – there is no outside pressure to master a certain subject or amount of information by a set date/time/age. According to public school standards, my oldest is preschool age but doing 1^st grade addition/subtraction. So what if she doesn't get the history facts memorized, or know the English grammar? She will in time, and I don't feel the pressure to make her. 

Well, there's no pressure from my community or family. The perfectionist inside me screams that she should be perfect and know everything I teach her, but then the realist inside me speaks up and reminds me that I have a human child who needs to play and have fun along with learning. Besides, I don't know everything that was taught to me, I should not expect that of my four-year-old.

Yes, I battle with myself.  I think most homeschool moms do.  Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? What should I REALLY be doing? What priorities should I have? How is dinner going to get made and the house cleaned? So on and so on.....

Anyway.... so, what our days look like.

Morning routine of breakfast and such hasn't changed. Usually, after breakfast my girls play some before I sit M'ija down to do some “school”. We color our geography map for the week and talk about it. She loves math but has trouble with rhyme and some other grammar. So, she will do her math worksheets/flash cards and take a break to play.

~ One day this week I had a “win” by playing a memory game with rhyming cards. Score!

Throughout the day, I will introduce or review the memory work from CC. She is usually playing or helping me clean when I do this.

The only times we actually sit down for school is math, reading/writing, and Bible study. I space these things out so she isn't working all day. We probably sit for a total of 30-45 minutes each day for that type of school. All the other things are thrown in during play and chore times.

And it works for us.

I'll leave you with the Bible verse I have us memorizing for the letter D

Death and life are in the power of the tongue; they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

~ Proverbs 18:21

I have needed that reminder this week.