Community

When I say the word "community", people likely have different thoughts that pop into their minds. 

Classical Conversations parents probably think of their homeschool group, their CC Community.

Maybe you think about your neighborhood, or the small town you live in. 

Perhaps church pops into your head. 

The other possibilities are nearly endless. 

In Webster's 1828, it is defined as 

"A society of people, having common rights and privileges, or common interests, civil, political or ecclesiastical; or living under the same laws and regulations."

Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Hmmm, well, that gets down to the basics. Seems like most any example we think of fits the definition. 

But we are humans, and the word also invokes emotions along with whatever definition fits properly. 

A longing, a sense of and desire for BElonging. 

Perhaps even a bit of anxiety. 

The thing is, we all need some form of community that speaks to us - be it emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  We don't do well alone. Not even introverts (and I speak as an introvert). 

Galatians 6:2

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

We are also often compared to sheep in the Bible. Let me tell you, I raised sheep growing up. You keep a sheep alone, it will not last long. Sheep need other sheep as much as they need a shepherd. A shepherd cares for the sheep, but is not a sheep. 

So, the problem becomes finding the community that meets our need(s).  This is especially difficult for family units, because each member may have a different need from a community. 

My husband is an extrovert - he loves being around people, he gets rejuvenated, feels cared about, thrives around people. It could be a crowd or just one/two friends. He is in his comfort zone around other people. If he gets more than 5 hours with no one around, his demeanor and mood drastically chance. 

Me, I am awkward. In the traditional sense of the word, I am an introvert. Being around people is emotionally and physically draining. I rejuvenate when alone, and crave time alone. When thrown into a group of peopleI don't know, I am quiet and uncertain, nervous. 

However, I do well in groups also. I want to be included. I have no trouble stepping up into leadership roles when needed, I can speak I front of crowds, sing, meet new people... especially if it is needful to be so. I can sometimes deal with people convincingly enough that many think I am extroverted. 

My oldest- I think she is going to be like me. 

My youngest rarely meets a stranger and loves to be the center of attention. 

With our different needs, and our varying ages/schedules, how do we find a community that meets all our needs?

Honestly, I haven't got a clue. 

My husband, bless his heart, between his public job, work around the house, and church commitments, is communitied out. He is waiting for a break in the schedule. 

Which makes me want to remind you readers of the fact that we have liberty to say "no" sometimes. We don't have to do everything that is asked of us. 

• I think that is more of a problem for extroverts, parents of extroverts, and people who have the feeling they must please others. I am not that type of person, but I live with them. I also used to be one who thought saying no was off limits and rude, until I was miserable and learned the wonderful power of saying "I can't."

Back to the issue at hand. 

Hubby, the extrovert, is worn out from everything. 

Me, I'm feeling like I haven't found a community that's the right fit. Or, more accurately, like there is an awesome community around me and I just don't fit into it well. 

Church - mostly older people (my parents age or older). The ones that are closer to my age - within 10 years - are mostly at a different stage in life. Most have children in middle/high school and work full time jobs. There is one mom in a similar place to me, she has an older step-son, but she is a SahM of a two-year-old.  We get together regularly, play dates and conversation time. 

It's helpful, and reminds me of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

It is a great thing, though I wonder if that is truly meeting all of both our needs. 

Cause while I wouldn't trade it for anything, having one friend is companionship.  Companionship is different than community. 

Now, my church family is awesome in its own way, and they do their best to include everyone, so the problem seems to lie with me. 

Let's look at my homeschool community. It is great for my oldest child. She gets to be around other children her age, play, learn, and be in a generally Christ-centered environment. It isn't every day, and it isn't all day. It seems to be a perfect fit for her. 

Me, I feel as if I am an outsider. 

All I know about them is what I see once a week and what they post on Facebook. 

That's all they know about me. 

Yet they seem to know each other and be able to converse well. 

• Revisit my above statement about how awkward I am. I can step up into a tutoring role, but being able to casually talk to other moms...? It's difficult, and causes a bit of anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, please PLEASE don't misunderstand me. It's a blessing to have a group of likeminded Christian moms trying to homeschool their children and raise them in a Godly way as I am trying. I know they are a praying group, ones who love God. 

I am imperfect, and really really uncomfortable around people I don't know well. 

It makes joining a new community difficult. 

All me, I know. 

So... community. We all need it, but we all have different needs within the community and from the community. 

Makes it difficult because it is also easy for some to kinda... fall by the wayside. I've noticed it in different groups. Everyone is loving, caring, and trying to include everyone else, yet due to personalities, life circumstances, etc, people slip out of the center community and have trouble finding their way back in. 

This can cause many problems, and if it goes unnoticed, we as a community are failing to properly show Gods love. 

......

So I guess what I'm trying to say is:

1. Don't give up on a group of people as a possible community just because you have trouble "getting in" - either the first time or after you've slipped away for a bit. 
2. Don't be so wrapped up in the obvious that you overlook the quiet, the ones who had to just say "I can't" for a bit, the ones that are easy to overlook. 

We all need to remember that communities are imperfect people needing companionship from other imperfect people. 

God bless.