Grief

Grief and Homeschooling - this has been heavy on my heart and I feel the need to wade through these dark waters with you.

Let's begin with this fact: everyone will handle grief differently. Therefore, whatever you read on my blog is how my family has dealt with grief. It may be a help, but it may not. 

I pray it does help, but if not I encourage you to seek Biblical counseling.

When we grieve, do we still teach?

Honestly, we have done both. Through my miscarriages, the earlier ones were when my girls were younger and didn't understand what was going on. This recent one, my oldest knew and understood, so things were different. We paused for a week and just did every day life. Focusing on what was still true, what life was, helped help her through the sadness of the loss. We did restart "school", but that first week we learned to focus on the blessings God has given that we can still see. 

When my dad died, we stopped "school" for a while. He passed in May and we didn't touch academics until August.  My girls still learned, but it was different. We were dealing with arrangements, legal issues with his estate... and my girls went everywhere with me. They learned. We moved on, yet mourned at the same time. That's one way of dealing with grief.

Really, I don't think this is a cut-and-dry answer. You know your ability to teach and your children's ability to learn while grieving. Don't feel like you have to teach - your children will not "fall behind", but also don't feel like continuing on is a horrible thing. Pray for wisdom and follow the prompting of God.

How do we teach our children to grieve Biblically?

I believe the way to teach them to grieve Biblically is to be an example for them. They need to see that tears are ok - sadness is part of grief - but weeping doesn't have to mean we are doubting or questioning the goodness of God. Romans 8:35-39 tells us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. My family has memorized that section of scripture and we go back to it often. There is so much there to hold on to when we grieve.

Likewise, our children need to know that it's ok to be happy and have a good time - to move on with life. The person who is dead is not looking down on us wondering why we've "forgotten" them. No, they don't care. Besides, just because we learn to smile and laugh doesn't mean they are forgotten.  

God is truth. He wants us to think on what is true. This includes the fact that life moves on after death. God wants us to find peace and joy in HIM, not in our circumstances. 

Read Philippians chapter 4.

Honesty. Communication. We need to be willing to talk without over-talking.

How to we teach our children to interact with others while we grieve?

Our emotions will, most likely, not be stable or predictable during grief. Same with our children. Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us to be angry but sin not, and to not give place to the devil. We, and our children, may need to learn to back off or walk away when we wouldn't have otherwise. To bite our tongues and let only edifying words come out (Eph. 4:29). As Thumper famously said, "If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." 

We can't control other people, and we should not expect others to walk on tiptoes as if on broken glass just because we are still emotional from grief. Walking hand in hand with our children to give ourselves a bit of grace for emotional outbursts, and others grace when they aren't as kind or gentle as we think they ought to be, helps our entire family to grow in God's grace.

How do we teach our children to aid others in their grief?

I find this more difficult, as people grieve differently and need help differently. Some people need to talk, others not. Some need to be active and do things, others can barely get out of bed. 

First, we go to receivings and funerals. Every one we know about. It's a visual reminder to the family that someone sees and cares. It isn't fun nor enjoyable, but we do it and my girls understand why. We also continue to pray for the family at home - for more than a week. Everyone prays for the first week, sometimes on through the first month. How many people continue after that? Prayer is SO powerful, and the person may never know you are praying for them, but my encouragement to you is - don't stop.

Then we look for practical ways- bringing a meal, gift cards for restaurants, or groceries. This isn't always do-able, but if it is, we try to be a help.

Beyond that, we try to read the need. This is more difficult, but some people shine in this area. I have one daughter who seems to know when people need a hug, note, etc. She's much more intuitive concerning the emotional needs of others. She isn't good at making things though, but that is the strength of another one of my daughters. We work together, as a family, to try to take any other step to help. 

Grief is difficult for everyone. It doesn't have a timeline nor a set path on which it always takes a person.

As parents, we are called to help our children - to train them up in the way they should go. This is part of training our children. Yes, they are children now, but we want them to be mature adults following Christ, don't we? That means we guide them.

God bless.