Prayer works

Have I mentioned how much I cringe when I hear people say something like "thanks for praying, it worked! >insert thing they wanted to happen<" 

It's like praying is the same thing as wishing on a star or tossing a penny in a wishing well. There's a sense of surprise when "prayer works." 

Prayer works. Hmmm...

When did things change? It used to be that we KNEW prayer worked because prayer was just part of our connection/relationship with God. We needed God like we need food and water. 

• I guess we have enough candy, soda, coffee, that we forget we need nutrition and water until we get sick. 

Now, it seems like we only turn to God in prayer when we have a specific want (yes, want, not always a true need). How often do we turn to God and just say "I need YOU" instead of "I want ---"

No wonder there's a sense of surprise, we are such children! 

My children are always asking me for things.

Here's an analogy for you. M'ija, 6 years old, has been nearly perfectly behaved all day. Her room clean, no fighting or arguing, etc. It's 30 minutes before daddy gets home for dinner and she asks "Mommy, may I please have some candy?"

In her mind, she has no reason to be denied this request. Yet, I say no. Her petition failed. 

She comes back in 5 minutes and asks again - I don't even answer her. Now, not only has her request been denied once, but now she is not being listened to. 

Sound familiar? She was denied the first time because something better for her is coming. She wasn't answered the second time because she already knew the answer. 

Don't we do this to God?

When we have a specific request that gets denied, sometimes over and over again, we feel like He doesn't care, isn't answering. Like praying "doesn't work."

Now, I know the analogy is a bit oversimplified, but hang with me a little longer. 

Let's talk scriptures. We know how powerful praying with faith can be. 

Matthew 21:22 " And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."

John 14:13-14 "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it."

Yet to we remember this one also?

James 4:3 " Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts."

Then you have the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8.

But remember, she was wronged and the judge didn't do anything. At the end of the parable, Jesus tells us He is righteous and will avenge. 

Let's weigh all the verses together (and others I didn't reference) and I can sum them up - again a bit oversimplified, but I am not God. You want to full story, dig into the Bible yourself. Here's my summary - we have to be in the will of God. Our faith need to not be in His gift-giving, but in His Love, Power, Wisdom. 

See, prayer works, but it is not like wishing on a star. 

It's good to ask God for specifics, some people walk so closely with Him that is all they do. I admire that intimacy, strive for it myself. Personally, I'm not there. I tell God my desires, the specific answer I want, but I also pray more for His wisdom because I have received my wants enough to know that, quite often, I didn't want what I thought I wanted, and definitely didn't need them as I believed. 

So, prayers for peace and wisdom often accompany my requests for said desires.

See, He is my Father. Being a mother has taught me a lot about how this relationship is supposed to work. 

He loves me, wants me to trust him to tell Him things - things He already knows but means so much more coming from willing conversation.

He loves me, wants me to respectfully ask Him for things - and just as respectfully accept no as an answer. 

He loves me, wants me to trust His wisdom and knowledge.

He loves me, wants me to come to Him when I'm sad, hurt, angry, and let Him hold me. 

He loves me, gives me all the advice I need, but then let's me learn the hard way sometimes. He let's me make my own choices, even if it will hurt. He loves me enough to not be a tyrant - He gives me freedom.

He also loves me so much that, when I finally swallow my pride and return to Him, He holds me. He comforts me. 

He loves me enough to help heal my hurts and help me sort through the messes I make. 

I love my girls, they love me. I love for them to ask me things, talk, etc, yet nothing compares to when my girls just come up to me and love on me. 

These are all things I learned as a mom who loves her children. 

Matthew 7:11

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

I couldn't homeschool...

As the holidays are in full swing, it's difficult to continue to "teach" my children. How much focused time do I need daily with my oldest? My youngest, what about her? We're so busy, even though we stay home most days. 

Time management, wife vs mom vs teacher is a balancing act I feel like I'm not cut out for tackling.

You know, it's interesting being a former public school teacher turned homeschool mom. People look at me and say "Well, that's great, but I'm not you. I couldn't homeschool."

It's like they think my teaching degree in Spanish somehow qualifies me to teach my children every subject- or somehow makes me able to know all I need to know to teach. 

*stifled giggle*

Yeah, teaching an individual 6 year old English/Science/History/Math/etc. when a three year old is jumping on top of you is the same as teaching a class of middle/high school students Spanish. 

I'm in no way "specially trained" to do this job due to my college degree. What I do on a daily basis is COMPLETELY different than what I did while teaching public school. 

🎶 A whole new world... 🎶 

And honestly, I need reminding that it's different, because I sometimes want to slip into my "classroom teaching" habits that drain the fun of learning. 

Similarly, do you realize how little I know about teaching a child to read or spell? Math was always one of my worst subjects. *shudder* Science is... interesting yet difficult. And History? I adore history, but how do you pick and choose what to teach when? I only have so much time to cover so much info.

Then, to top it off, the girl asks questions. Questions to which I don't know the answers. 

Oh, I know, this is my job now.  I can research and learn. 

Yep, along with keeping the house nice enough for my clean freak hubby and doing all the other things we stay at home moms have time for while watching soap operas and eating bonbons.

Please tell me you read the sarcasm in the last sentence. I'm honestly happy there's nothing currently growing in my fridge (I think... I really should clean it out...)

To the point! 

A college degree, even if it is in education, is NOT what qualifies me to teach my children. 

God gave these children to me with a command in Deuteronomy 6: Teach each generation of God. 

Also, He always gives us the means to do what He calls us to do. Which is great, because on my own I couldn't teach my children. 

As it is, I'm needing help at this young age just to "stay on track" as my one gets older. 

So, really, I'm never fully "qualified" to teach anyone. Yet God is qualified, and He chooses to use me, their MOTHER, as the means by which to educate them. 

Wow. 

You won't know everything. I won't know everything. We won't always know the "best method" for teaching our child(ren).  

My husband has literally laughed at me for trying to teach the girls to do things I can't do. 

Yet, it's what we are called to do - a wonderful, difficult, fulfilling job and a love worth living. 

Forget the degree, remember that YOU have your child's best interest in heart, and a God that supplies all the need. 

You can. 

I can. 

God bless. 

Something I learned I learned...

You know, they say you realize how much you don't know when you become a parent. 

Me, well, I try to think of it more positively. 

I'm grateful for all I have learned since becoming a mom. 

Example:

 I had to wash dishes when my girls were napping. Our kitchen is right outside their bedroom door. 

I pick up the scrubber and there is a dreaded bug (probably came in on the wood we use to heat the house, but still).

Instead of screaming, I simply try to flick it down the drain. 

It disappeared. A minute later, I feel something on my ear.

I completely freaked out and did some sort of flailing, spin dance until I got it on the floor and squished. 

• Silently  -

My girls and hubby (who was studying his Bible in the other room) had NO idea I had a total flip out at the kitchen sink. 

How does this relate to homeschool?

Glad you asked!!

Our children are watching us. 

 👁👁

They are learning from us. 

Is it ok to be freaked out? Yes. 

Did I need to wake up the entire neighborhood? No. 

It's something to think about. How am I teaching my children to deal with their emotions? 

Y'all, I have two girls. It gets emotional in our house. There are days I think we spend more time crying than anything else. 

And it's ok. That's what I tell my daughters. It's ok to feel angry, sad, frustrated, etc. We can't always control our feelings. 

We can, however, learn to control how we act when we feel certain ways. 

It's a valuable, Biblical lesson. Ephesians 4:26 says "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath."

Words mean a lot, so do actions. When they see us get angry and take a breath before reactions, or they see us picking ourselves up and moving on even when we are sad, they see us talk calmly to someone who hurt our feelings or made us mad... they see it is possible.

I know we can't always react perfectly, but I am thankful that God has grown me in many ways as a parent- one of which is I can have a freak out,  or even a meltdown, and unless someone can see me the world is oblivious. 

This works "EVERY TIME"

So, as a parent of two young ones, I've had my share of moment when I just about want to give up. 

I do what I think is right, and when/if that doesn't work I turn to others for help. 

Example: bedtime. Teaching the child to sleep. 

My oldest, we did the Cry It Out method (if you disagree with this, don't do it with your child and let me be). It was about 3-5 nights of nigh-unbearable tension for the first 30ish minutes after putting her down. 

Then, like everyone said would happen, a nearly magical thing occurred. She didn't cry. She laid down quietly and eventually fell peacefully asleep in her own. She has slept wonderfully ever since. 

Child #2 comes along, we figured we would do the same thing. 

No.
Nightmare-ishly NO.

I even joined a sleep training support group on Facebook, consulted the doctor... 

No.

I was constantly being told "well, you must be doing something wrong because it works EVERY TIME."

No.

I beat myself up for months, there must be something wrong with me as a parent if it works EVERY TIME and even though I followed recommendations and instructions to a T she would not go to sleep on her own.

I then tried other methods, including co-sleeping, that work "EVERY TIME", followed instructions to a T yet again, sure that someone somewhere has figured out the method that really doesn't fail. 

No. Not at all. 

My littlest just hates sleep. 

Her - win

Me - lose

Then God showed me something. 

Nothing is "every time" when it comes to people. There are always some cases that do not fit inside the box. I had one of those cases for a child - she fit into no box I could find. 

And that's ok. God still placed me as her mother. She doesn't fit into a prepackaged box plan? Momma, make a new plan, perhaps a tire, or bubble. 

Stop comparing yourself and your child to others. 

This applies to homeschooling, as well as most of life. 

The "one size fits all" adage is baloney (misspelled on purpose).

Now, disclaimer, one size fits all may be a good place to start if you don't know what you are doing. Just don't let it take over your expectations and stress you out. 

God gave us all our individual lots in life. Our family, children, houses, job(s), etc. 

Our losses, our blessings, every mundane moment. 

If it "works EVERY TIME", but doesn't work for you, here's a simple three step program that really will work. 

1. toss it out the window
2. pray earnestly and with expectation of an answer
3. try again with whatever answer God gives

Because the only thing that truly works EVERY TIME is God.

God always answers, we just don't always listen.

But that's another post...

God bless!

Romans 3:3 - For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?

Psalms 86:15 - But thou, O Lord, [art] a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth

Second Year!

Guess what I have learned?

I won't be perfect. 

Sorry, that title belongs to one and one only. 

Oh, there will be days when I get up early, have it all planned out, AND things actually go according to plans. 

Feed the family well, school is a breeze, the house straightened/cleaned (including laundry and dishes), and I am fresh and happy when my husband arrives home. The calm, balanced mother that loves and disciplines well is present. He wife my husband always dreamt of coming home to after work greets him at the door. 

Need I go on? It's the "perfect" day that rarely happens, but they do come. 

It never fails, in comes those days when all the skeletons fall out of the closet and I'm really just happy no one died or came and took my children from me (or locked me up and left them to do without me).

I needn't go into details in those days.

Most days are in-between days. 

And that has been my year so far. 

We're 7 weeks into it (yes, we started kinda early) and honestly, I'm super pumped about what my girls have managed to learn. Especially considering I feel like I haven't "done school" near as much as I should. 

There's been a few hard weeks. My dad had surgery on his leg that, honestly, did little else but discourage and hurt him physically. I've been dealing with that as much as possible without letting my little girls see their big Papa weak. 

We had guests who fled Florence, and while that was an enjoyable time of catching up with old friends, adding four other people to our house a few days made it a bit crazy. 

As if everyday potty training isn't enough to stress a momma out. 

But, back to where I started. 

Most days are those in-between the good and bad days. Enough school/house work gets done that we might be able to claim progress (3 steps forward, right?) but it isn't a "complete" success. 

Then I have to remind myself - who am I trying to be successful for? Who am I pleasing?

In general, I don't have a problem with trying to be supermom. Really. I know where God put me, what He expects of me, and that's more than enough to keep me non-stop busy. 

Most of the time I'm content. 

Then the little nagging in the back of my mind start. 

"You should..."

"What if you did...?"

"Well, Betsy Jean does..."

"Little Suzy is your daughters age and she ...."

Wanna talk about destroying joy? Peace? Those voices will. 

So, some reminders when we are either falling short and drowning in bad days, or maybe just feel like we're sloshing around in the puddles of in-between (🙋🏻).

In John 14:27, Jesus says "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the World giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

• The world gives temporary relief, Jesus gives full-on and whole hearted peace. We just have to accept it. 

II Corinthians 12:9 Jesus reminds Paul (and therefore us) that God's strength is perfect in our weakened. When we realize we are weak, His strength can then shine through. 

God has given us all a specific task (or set of tasks). He has given us gifts of the Spirit to be able to complete said tasks. 

And all we do is supposed to point back to Him. 

So, year two of Homeschooling:  am I focused on being "perfect", or am I focused on God?

When failure breaks you - or threatens to.

I'm a homeschool mom. Failure isn't an option for my children - I'm there to guide them each and every step, and to adjust instruction as needed to insure success. 

This first year, failure broke me. 

I sat up for hours after the night her group met the last time this year and cried. I failed. 

No one would believe it, to see my daughter. She's smart, advanced, and has grown mentally and socially so much in the past year. She received an award for leadership in her class. 

Leadership.

My daughter. 

The one who hides behind me when meeting people and refuses to even tell her daddy what she learned in school that week. My awkwardly shy child, out there being a leader in her group. 

What a success! I should be proud - and I am. I am beyond proud and happy for her accomplishments.

Still failure broke me. 

No, my daughter didn't fail. 

Figure it out yet?

I failed. 

I spent every day of our weekly community days not witnessing my child grow. 

I homeschool my child, mainly so I have an active hand in everything and can witness how she does things. 

Fail. 

I finally confessed this feeling to my husband. Do you know what he said to me?

"You mean you didn't get it perfect the first year?"

.......

Wow. That hit me square in the face. 😤😑😩😔

I love my husband for many reasons, but God blessed him with he ability to say the right things to get me back in track. 

I didn't get it perfect the first year. 

How could I have expected to, really? I am not perfect. I may have a degree in education, but never trained for elementary education. I taught public school- very different situation. 

My self-expectations were way too high and my self-confidence was truly SELF-confidence, not God-led confidence. 

I thought I could be the perfect homeschool mom, first year in. 

I did a lot of things right - by the grace of God.

I failed some too.

Am I a failure? No. In spite of how I felt about it, I was still doing what God wanted. God led, He guided, and He took care of it all. 

Looking back, I can see how it did my daughter good too. 

Do I want to change things for next year?

Definitely.

God allowed me to see something I could do differently, something that would be better. 

He used the year to grow my child - and to grow me. 

So really, I'm not a failure. God loves me for who He has made me and who He is turning me into. 

His mercies renew each morning

His grace is sufficient when I am deficient (which is often, let's be honest).

"He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me."

Year end? Already?

The "year" wraps up

Ok, so I know it's been a while since I've updated this blog. What can I say - parenting and schooling took up a LOT of my time. 

First, went through a bit of the "Blahs" when getting back into the flow after the holidays was difficult. 

Really though, when you pick a curriculum like CC and you tutor a group in the community, you have to stay on the ball at home too. So, each week I wrote the info on our board at home. I wrote it on paper to take to our community day. I sang the songs with my girl. I did some math games and we read basic readers. 

*Note* We don't do math, reading, and memory work all in the same day, every day. At her age, that's way too much. We pick one thing we are set in doing, then if she chooses to do more that's fine and it not, we stop. 

One thing I found works well for us - Math worksheets are awesome for introducing new concepts and practicing for the first week or two. After that, she gets burned out on them. So, we find new ways to incorporate math. Real life examples, so she can see how it's practiced in daily life. 

Ex: we were baking cookies last week and I had her add up how many cups of ingredients were in the batter. Then, she guessed how many cookies that might make. She was pretty close too.

I'm proud of her, she's begun to see math in everything. Peeling an orange, she split it and said "Four plus four equals eight. Mommy, there are eight sections in an orange."

Reading began to get a bit daunting too. She didn't like to read an entire story on her own - it took too long. I had to remind myself, she is young.  Let's figure out another way to do this, a way where she still gets practice but it isn't "hard work".  The last thing I want is for her to get burned out on reading and other learning before she turns 6.

We take turns reading. I let her pick the story (we have a whole shelf of books at her level and just enough above to help her grow) and I start us off.  Every other paragraph we switch. It works well, and her comprehension is better because she's paying more attention. 

So, back to the start of this entry when I said that the year wraps up now. 

Our curriculum is a 24 week program. We are on week 24, had our last community day today, and have the final celebration on Friday.  

In a way, we are "done". It's crazy, both my girl and I are happy and sad. 

First, we made it through with shining colors - especially her. She has bloomed socially and her memory for the facts is amazing. 

We are going to miss meeting weekly with everyone, though to be perfectly honest we will not miss the early mornings. 😆

We love our sleep in this family. 😴 

My plans - probably take next week easy by wrapping up my Bible Verses (I've been introducing one per letter weekly with her other memory work, and we have one left) and doing math/reading. 

Then take a week "off". Maybe two, since my mom is planning a visit around Mothers Day and, let's be honest, "school" isn't likely to happen. My girl is great, but a bit shy when it comes to sharing her knowledge. 

We will school year round though.  I don't want to drop everything during the summer months. I feel like that is unrealistic- learning happens all the time! We are to always gain knowledge, grow in understanding, then develop wisdom.  If we stop learning, we aren't progressing as God intended. 

That being said, I'm not going to dig out CC stuff during the summer (except maybe the songs that get constantly stuck in my head - those will probably come out at random times.)

No, but I will still teach math and reading weekly, and review the Bible verses. I also want to use the summer to teach the other stuff I seem to never be able to fit in - like the calendar, seasons, etc. I've introduced this stuff, but haven't had a chance to go farther. 

This is all stuff that can be done either by normal daily experiences or in 20 minutes at the table. 

That's my plan. 

Check back in a few months to see how well I am able to follow through with it. 😄🙄

God bless!