This works "EVERY TIME"

So, as a parent of two young ones, I've had my share of moment when I just about want to give up. 

I do what I think is right, and when/if that doesn't work I turn to others for help. 

Example: bedtime. Teaching the child to sleep. 

My oldest, we did the Cry It Out method (if you disagree with this, don't do it with your child and let me be). It was about 3-5 nights of nigh-unbearable tension for the first 30ish minutes after putting her down. 

Then, like everyone said would happen, a nearly magical thing occurred. She didn't cry. She laid down quietly and eventually fell peacefully asleep in her own. She has slept wonderfully ever since. 

Child #2 comes along, we figured we would do the same thing. 

No.
Nightmare-ishly NO.

I even joined a sleep training support group on Facebook, consulted the doctor... 

No.

I was constantly being told "well, you must be doing something wrong because it works EVERY TIME."

No.

I beat myself up for months, there must be something wrong with me as a parent if it works EVERY TIME and even though I followed recommendations and instructions to a T she would not go to sleep on her own.

I then tried other methods, including co-sleeping, that work "EVERY TIME", followed instructions to a T yet again, sure that someone somewhere has figured out the method that really doesn't fail. 

No. Not at all. 

My littlest just hates sleep. 

Her - win

Me - lose

Then God showed me something. 

Nothing is "every time" when it comes to people. There are always some cases that do not fit inside the box. I had one of those cases for a child - she fit into no box I could find. 

And that's ok. God still placed me as her mother. She doesn't fit into a prepackaged box plan? Momma, make a new plan, perhaps a tire, or bubble. 

Stop comparing yourself and your child to others. 

This applies to homeschooling, as well as most of life. 

The "one size fits all" adage is baloney (misspelled on purpose).

Now, disclaimer, one size fits all may be a good place to start if you don't know what you are doing. Just don't let it take over your expectations and stress you out. 

God gave us all our individual lots in life. Our family, children, houses, job(s), etc. 

Our losses, our blessings, every mundane moment. 

If it "works EVERY TIME", but doesn't work for you, here's a simple three step program that really will work. 

1. toss it out the window
2. pray earnestly and with expectation of an answer
3. try again with whatever answer God gives

Because the only thing that truly works EVERY TIME is God.

God always answers, we just don't always listen.

But that's another post...

God bless!

Romans 3:3 - For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?

Psalms 86:15 - But thou, O Lord, [art] a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth

Second Year!

Guess what I have learned?

I won't be perfect. 

Sorry, that title belongs to one and one only. 

Oh, there will be days when I get up early, have it all planned out, AND things actually go according to plans. 

Feed the family well, school is a breeze, the house straightened/cleaned (including laundry and dishes), and I am fresh and happy when my husband arrives home. The calm, balanced mother that loves and disciplines well is present. He wife my husband always dreamt of coming home to after work greets him at the door. 

Need I go on? It's the "perfect" day that rarely happens, but they do come. 

It never fails, in comes those days when all the skeletons fall out of the closet and I'm really just happy no one died or came and took my children from me (or locked me up and left them to do without me).

I needn't go into details in those days.

Most days are in-between days. 

And that has been my year so far. 

We're 7 weeks into it (yes, we started kinda early) and honestly, I'm super pumped about what my girls have managed to learn. Especially considering I feel like I haven't "done school" near as much as I should. 

There's been a few hard weeks. My dad had surgery on his leg that, honestly, did little else but discourage and hurt him physically. I've been dealing with that as much as possible without letting my little girls see their big Papa weak. 

We had guests who fled Florence, and while that was an enjoyable time of catching up with old friends, adding four other people to our house a few days made it a bit crazy. 

As if everyday potty training isn't enough to stress a momma out. 

But, back to where I started. 

Most days are those in-between the good and bad days. Enough school/house work gets done that we might be able to claim progress (3 steps forward, right?) but it isn't a "complete" success. 

Then I have to remind myself - who am I trying to be successful for? Who am I pleasing?

In general, I don't have a problem with trying to be supermom. Really. I know where God put me, what He expects of me, and that's more than enough to keep me non-stop busy. 

Most of the time I'm content. 

Then the little nagging in the back of my mind start. 

"You should..."

"What if you did...?"

"Well, Betsy Jean does..."

"Little Suzy is your daughters age and she ...."

Wanna talk about destroying joy? Peace? Those voices will. 

So, some reminders when we are either falling short and drowning in bad days, or maybe just feel like we're sloshing around in the puddles of in-between (🙋🏻).

In John 14:27, Jesus says "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the World giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

• The world gives temporary relief, Jesus gives full-on and whole hearted peace. We just have to accept it. 

II Corinthians 12:9 Jesus reminds Paul (and therefore us) that God's strength is perfect in our weakened. When we realize we are weak, His strength can then shine through. 

God has given us all a specific task (or set of tasks). He has given us gifts of the Spirit to be able to complete said tasks. 

And all we do is supposed to point back to Him. 

So, year two of Homeschooling:  am I focused on being "perfect", or am I focused on God?

When failure breaks you - or threatens to.

I'm a homeschool mom. Failure isn't an option for my children - I'm there to guide them each and every step, and to adjust instruction as needed to insure success. 

This first year, failure broke me. 

I sat up for hours after the night her group met the last time this year and cried. I failed. 

No one would believe it, to see my daughter. She's smart, advanced, and has grown mentally and socially so much in the past year. She received an award for leadership in her class. 

Leadership.

My daughter. 

The one who hides behind me when meeting people and refuses to even tell her daddy what she learned in school that week. My awkwardly shy child, out there being a leader in her group. 

What a success! I should be proud - and I am. I am beyond proud and happy for her accomplishments.

Still failure broke me. 

No, my daughter didn't fail. 

Figure it out yet?

I failed. 

I spent every day of our weekly community days not witnessing my child grow. 

I homeschool my child, mainly so I have an active hand in everything and can witness how she does things. 

Fail. 

I finally confessed this feeling to my husband. Do you know what he said to me?

"You mean you didn't get it perfect the first year?"

.......

Wow. That hit me square in the face. 😤😑😩😔

I love my husband for many reasons, but God blessed him with he ability to say the right things to get me back in track. 

I didn't get it perfect the first year. 

How could I have expected to, really? I am not perfect. I may have a degree in education, but never trained for elementary education. I taught public school- very different situation. 

My self-expectations were way too high and my self-confidence was truly SELF-confidence, not God-led confidence. 

I thought I could be the perfect homeschool mom, first year in. 

I did a lot of things right - by the grace of God.

I failed some too.

Am I a failure? No. In spite of how I felt about it, I was still doing what God wanted. God led, He guided, and He took care of it all. 

Looking back, I can see how it did my daughter good too. 

Do I want to change things for next year?

Definitely.

God allowed me to see something I could do differently, something that would be better. 

He used the year to grow my child - and to grow me. 

So really, I'm not a failure. God loves me for who He has made me and who He is turning me into. 

His mercies renew each morning

His grace is sufficient when I am deficient (which is often, let's be honest).

"He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me."

Year end? Already?

The "year" wraps up

Ok, so I know it's been a while since I've updated this blog. What can I say - parenting and schooling took up a LOT of my time. 

First, went through a bit of the "Blahs" when getting back into the flow after the holidays was difficult. 

Really though, when you pick a curriculum like CC and you tutor a group in the community, you have to stay on the ball at home too. So, each week I wrote the info on our board at home. I wrote it on paper to take to our community day. I sang the songs with my girl. I did some math games and we read basic readers. 

*Note* We don't do math, reading, and memory work all in the same day, every day. At her age, that's way too much. We pick one thing we are set in doing, then if she chooses to do more that's fine and it not, we stop. 

One thing I found works well for us - Math worksheets are awesome for introducing new concepts and practicing for the first week or two. After that, she gets burned out on them. So, we find new ways to incorporate math. Real life examples, so she can see how it's practiced in daily life. 

Ex: we were baking cookies last week and I had her add up how many cups of ingredients were in the batter. Then, she guessed how many cookies that might make. She was pretty close too.

I'm proud of her, she's begun to see math in everything. Peeling an orange, she split it and said "Four plus four equals eight. Mommy, there are eight sections in an orange."

Reading began to get a bit daunting too. She didn't like to read an entire story on her own - it took too long. I had to remind myself, she is young.  Let's figure out another way to do this, a way where she still gets practice but it isn't "hard work".  The last thing I want is for her to get burned out on reading and other learning before she turns 6.

We take turns reading. I let her pick the story (we have a whole shelf of books at her level and just enough above to help her grow) and I start us off.  Every other paragraph we switch. It works well, and her comprehension is better because she's paying more attention. 

So, back to the start of this entry when I said that the year wraps up now. 

Our curriculum is a 24 week program. We are on week 24, had our last community day today, and have the final celebration on Friday.  

In a way, we are "done". It's crazy, both my girl and I are happy and sad. 

First, we made it through with shining colors - especially her. She has bloomed socially and her memory for the facts is amazing. 

We are going to miss meeting weekly with everyone, though to be perfectly honest we will not miss the early mornings. 😆

We love our sleep in this family. 😴 

My plans - probably take next week easy by wrapping up my Bible Verses (I've been introducing one per letter weekly with her other memory work, and we have one left) and doing math/reading. 

Then take a week "off". Maybe two, since my mom is planning a visit around Mothers Day and, let's be honest, "school" isn't likely to happen. My girl is great, but a bit shy when it comes to sharing her knowledge. 

We will school year round though.  I don't want to drop everything during the summer months. I feel like that is unrealistic- learning happens all the time! We are to always gain knowledge, grow in understanding, then develop wisdom.  If we stop learning, we aren't progressing as God intended. 

That being said, I'm not going to dig out CC stuff during the summer (except maybe the songs that get constantly stuck in my head - those will probably come out at random times.)

No, but I will still teach math and reading weekly, and review the Bible verses. I also want to use the summer to teach the other stuff I seem to never be able to fit in - like the calendar, seasons, etc. I've introduced this stuff, but haven't had a chance to go farther. 

This is all stuff that can be done either by normal daily experiences or in 20 minutes at the table. 

That's my plan. 

Check back in a few months to see how well I am able to follow through with it. 😄🙄

God bless!

Fuzz balls and strings: Homeschooling during the holidays and sicknesses

Does anyone else have a child who freaks out over fuzz balls and strings? I mean, really freaks out. It's like my littlest thinks they are attacking her. She's worse that I am about spiders (and if you know me, that's BAD).

Let's not mention what happens with food that turns stringy... 

It reminds me of how I react sometimes, especially when I look back on my day/week/month and think "Epic Fail."

For example: Homeschooling from November through the start of January...

I had planned to do simple review games of the concepts we worked on earlier, so she could have fun and still learn. Structured time to do the fun and creative stuff I don't normally fit into my schedule. 

Instead... Let's just say that my children learned a lot about what foods are easier on the stomach and just how often you can visit the doctor and clean out the car seats... among other things.  We had 6(?) doctors visits in that time frame due to fevers and whatnots. 

Epic fail, right?

--- side note: if my children were not socialized, they would not have kept catching the illnesses they had...  but I digress... ---

*sigh*

We had a lot of snuggle time, and since I'm not big on TV/Movies, we did a lot of reading together. 

We read through an advent calendar of scriptures I created, and so many of their books. We even finished a few simple chapter books. 

Did her academics completely disappear? No, we had a few good days in there where we did review phonics and CC memory work, but overall we kinda just rode the waves of uncertainty when you keep passing illnesses around the family.

While I felt like I was falling way behind in the school aspect of life, I was grateful. Grateful that, as a homeschooling mom, I have the freedom to take a few days (or weeks) easy and not worry that she is going to fall behind. 

If she missed school - public or private - as often as we had sick days, she would have fallen very far behind and we both would have been stressed trying to catch her up.  With how things worked, we learned in more relaxing ways (board games and stories) when we could, and I know she will be fine when it comes to everything else. 

So really, was it an epic fail? Did I fail my child when we "took time off" from memory work and math worksheets?

No. 

I taught my children the depth of my care for them. I loved on them, did special things with their meals and our family time. I taught my older one (only 5) how to take her time when she was sick and not rush - and she turned around when her little sis got sick and helped her slow down and take time to heal. 

My love is a reflection of God's love for them. We prayed for other people, even when we were sick. Yes, they prayed for themselves too, but I got to teach a real life lesson that even as we aren't always healthy and happy, others struggle too and need prayer. 

Those are lessons that apply directly to life. As important as math, science, history, etc are, teaching my children that they are loved and can share love with others - that is more important. 

So when I'm tempted to freak out about the fuzz balls distracting my days, or whine about the strings that get pulled and unravel all I've been working towards...

I am reminded that I am blessed. Blessed to be able to choose homeschool, To choose what lessons my children learn. Blessed to be able to fill their hearts with genuine love so they will have the strength to go out and love on others. 

Ephesians 6:12 says

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Sometimes those spiritual battles come in a physical manner. 

When you are fighting illnesses, big or small, when things just don't seem to be working out right, it is so easy to give in to the feeling of failure. Throwing up your hands and saying "I give up!"

We really need to be saying "I give it to You, Lord!"  

Honestly, I have a hard time with that sometimes. I feel like I should have it all together. After all, I'm Mommy so I know exactly what my children need. I'm a wife of over a decade, surely I can take care of my husband. I'm home all day, the house should be orderly and tidy. I'm a former school teacher, education comes as easy as breathing....

We have expectations of ourselves, and we work hard at living up to them.

Yet Christ said "seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."  (Matthew 6:33)

Following HIS will, HIS plan. 

Galatians 5:14

For the law is fulfilled in one word, even this: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

How does that tie in? I want my children to love others, love them as much as they are loved. It's easier to love yourself when you are loved. I love my children, and am capable of loving them because God loves me and informs me that I am lovable. 

So, even when they don't learn math, science, whatever, if they learn the love of Christ and how to share that love, I have not failed. 

The Holidays and Russian Tea

Halfway through the CC year! 

We are currently on holiday break, so our school schedule has now changed. 

First, since we aren't meeting weekly with new information, I am introducing very little new stuff to my child. We are reviewing the memory work, two subjects a week. For example, she wanted to review geography and math first, so my little board has all twelve weeks of geography and math. And scripture. I want to be sure we cover scripture regularly. 

The "new" info we will learn is the stuff I fell behind on during the CC schedule. Stuff like my ABC Bible verses and finishing up a phonics workbook. The things Onwant to do that isn't part of the official curriculum. 
Because, let's face it, learning never ends unless you shut your minds and heart to the information out there. I want my daughter to learn that - how vital learning is throughout her entire life - without being stressed about it all the time. 

A way to relax while trying something new, and reconnect with what we should already be familiar with.

Much like the Russian Tea I am currently drinking. 

(Huh? Just hang on a moment...)

We had Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws on Thanksgiving. My SIL had some instant Russian Tea mix, the recipe of which she had been given by her late mother-in-law and was under orders not to share the "secret recipe". 

So, I sat there trying the delicious new drink, wondering how to figure out the recipe, and watching my girls play with their cousins. 

I thought about how wonderful it was that my girls get to connect with their cousins. They don't get a lot of time together, living 30 minutes away from each other and having different family schedules (they public school, we homeschool is one example). So, it's great to watch them play as if they play together all the time. It's as if no time has passed. 

I love how that relationship stays. I see it with my husband and his cousins - it can be a year before they see each other again, but the bonds they formed as children are still there. No, they don't agree with each other in everything, and have their moments, but they are a tight family that will always be there for each other. 

I didn't have that growing up. I had my sister, but no cousins.  Small family. 

They do new things, share with their old devoted friends (family) and enjoy life. Reconnect.

Where does the Russian Tea come in? 

It's a "secret family recipe" - but when I googled it, I found a few variations. All I have to do is discover which one tastes like what I had last night (and tonight, since I brought some of the mix home with me).

I could use trial and error. I could try to pry the exact recipe out of my SIL.  

And yet, I go back to watching my children, niece, and nephews playing together. Their parents know the secret recipe to a connected family - they live it. 

I want that recipe for my children. Do I use trial and error to get it right, or do I go to the source?

Is their recipe perfect?

Do we, as Christians, keep the recipe to peace a secret? Do we keep grace a secret? Forgiveness? When we get things right (aka: do things Gods way) do we keep it a secret?

Or do we share it?

Family.

Tea.

Salvation.

Amazing how God uses the daily to remind us of Him. 

We need the reminders. 

2 Peter 1:12

"Wherefore I will not be negligent to our you always in remembrance of these things, though ye know them, and be established in the present truth."

So, the holiday break allows us to reconnect. Friends, family, people we don't see often. 

It gives us time to focus on what is important, and to enjoy the truly meaningful moments in life. 

We can sit back and drink our tea with satisfaction. We can share it with others. 

Are we sharing the recipe so they can continue to enjoy it, or just giving a taste of the peace we have deep inside?

Complaints or blessings?

Sometimes I'm reminded of the various struggles we all have. 

Health, family, job, politics, finances...

On and on and on, big things and little things. 

I see people complain (jokingly and seriously) and I feel for them, I do. 

Then sometimes I think - if you only knew. I know someone who would trade a good week to have your troubles. 

Sometimes I would trade a good week to have some of the "troubles" we read about. 

And yet... Do we realize how much we are blessed? Do we really?

I can't truthfully say I never complain. I wish I could. I can say, however, that over the past year I have learned to complain less. 

I've learned, that God has worked so many miracles in my life. He has provided in so many ways. 

He has even provided enough to allow my family to be a blessing to others. 

And yes, things have been hard, but God has been my strength, my refuge, my rock, my Salvation. 

If you only knew everything He has done for me.

.....

I'm not really sure what else to say. 

.....

If we could step back and look at things differently, would we be willing to? 

What if we looked at our life from the perspective of someone wanting to bless others with our story?

What would we then say?

.....

Yes, we want sympathy. We want understanding. We want prayer. 

But do we want to bless?

.....

Life gets hard, we have struggles, we need help. 

Do we want to drag others down with us, or help them in turn?

.....

Because, really, what are we here for? What is our purpose?

Life is short. Even if we live to be 100 years old, that is a mere drop in the history of the earth. 

.....

If we only knew half of the things God has done for us this week alone, maybe we would look at things differently. 

Perhaps we CAN look at things differently. 

.....

So let me encourage you. 

God has a plan for you. Even when it seems impossible, if we step out in faith He makes it possible. 

If you only knew some of the ways God has moved around you, maybe you could have the courage to step out. 

.....

One final thought. 

I'm not asking you to lie when people ask how you are doing. 

I am asking you to try and be able to say "I'm blessed" truthfully, and rely on those blessings -on God - to both carry you through and to encourage others as we take our journey through life.

Because He is able. He is willing. Are we willing?